


A Foolish Love

by whistle_blowing



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hanahaki Disease, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 17:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10313471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whistle_blowing/pseuds/whistle_blowing
Summary: “Hey, no love okay?” the man, no, Hoseok mumbled against his lips, his hands dragging his boxer while he was a moaning mess. No love? He didn’t ask for love, he asked for sex, and nothing else. Normally he wasn’t the kind of man to do that. Wasn’t the kind of person to be drunk during a party and spend his night with a stranger. Normally.“Deal.” His answer was kind of whimpered, between two moans and three fingers, when did he, trusting inside him violently, making him shake and beg for more.





	

“Hey, no love okay?” the man, no, Hoseok mumbled against his lips, his hands dragging his boxer while he was a moaning mess. No love? He didn’t ask for love, he asked for sex, and nothing else. Normally he wasn’t the kind of man to do that. Wasn’t the kind of person to be drunk during a party and spend his night with a stranger. Normally.

 

“Deal.” His answer was kind of whimpered, between two moans and three fingers, when did he, trusting inside him violently, making him shake and beg for more.

 

And he was trashing, moaning, even sobbing while Hoseok fucked him nice and hard, his body like a doll between his hands. Gasping under him, he was trying to stay conscious, trying to catch himself without any success. He was drifting away, and the hands pining his tights couldn’t keep him here, and the weight inside his legs either, even the lips against his throat were doing nothing. He wasn’t even aware of his own orgasm, sinking in his ecstasy and could only moan for the hypersensitivity when Hoseok didn’t stop his movements, when he spilled inside him and caged him with his nice body.

 

The morning, Hoseok took him against the wall of the shower, saying dirty things in his ear while he was pounding inside him, making him cry and beg again and again.

 

_No love._

 

 

xoxo

 

 

The second time he met Hoseok was again during a party at Hyungwon’s house and again Kihyun found himself under the older man moaning and whimpering while he was taken on a carpet, not minding if there were people around, like the dirty slut the blond said he was.

 

And he wanted to say he wasn’t a slut. He wanted to say it was only for him.

But it meant feelings and he couldn’t.

Hoseok said no love after all.

 

So he only said yes, he only said more, his hands gripping Hoseok’s back and letting some nice scratches and two hickeys on his throat.

Hoseok left him some memories too. So much cum inside him, finger bruises on his tights, on his waist and a sore throat. He let him happy at the moment and blissful.

 

The morning was not so nice. He was on a bed but with nobody beside him and cold sheets.

 

Still no love.

_He thought._

 

 

xoxo

 

 

It was not healthy.

It was disturbing. But every time he met the blond man, every time they began to speak, to laugh, at the end, they were fucking somewhere and he was begging for more. Was he begging for his heart?

Maybe.

 

“Hoseok, give me back my best friend sometimes okay?” Minhyuk asked during an afternoon when they were all in a park close to his house. Since when, Hoseok stayed with Minhyuk, Hyungwon and him? Since when the blond guy’s friends, was it Jooheon, Changkyun and Hyunwoo, were with them too?

 

“Maybe, I like him a lot.” Was the answer with a hand on his thigh. And he was a little red behind his book.

“You like to fuck him.” Said Jooheon, and they all laughed. Kihyun also laughed, but inside him, his heart was aching a little.

“You could fuck him here too, couldn’t you?” That was Minhyuk. And Kihyun didn’t know what to think about the situation, about the fact they all spoke like he was just a fucking toy to Hoseok. But he said nothing. Because everyone knew he wasn’t the person to say something. Shy and introvert Kihyun.

“I want to. But he said he was sore and I have to be nice in public.”

 

Just a toy. Or a good fuck.

And his heart was hurting too much inside.

But still no love.

 

_What a lie._

 

 

xoxo

 

 

“Hey Ki, how are you?” A hand on his head. Minhyuk. And a lazy smile was on Kihyun’s lips like he was high or something.

“Sleepy.”

“He really fucks you well hum. I’m glad you’re more open this year and all, but … Take care okay? Take care of that too.” And it was so strange to see Minhyuk serious, it was so strange to hear him telling that he had to take care of his heart. He knew. Of course he knew. So he only nodded before closing his eyes again to sleep more in his bedroom.

 

He didn’t know it was too late, yet.

 

 

xoxo

 

 

When he woke up, it was against Hoseok, the man playing with his hair.

 

“It’s nice to have someone like you with me. A friend I can fuck when I want, so submissive.” _A friend_. Of course. And even if inside him something was breaking, his throat burning a little, maybe crowed by tears, he only smiled back and kissed Hoseok, before climbing on his lap and begging him to fuck him again.

 

Anything to keep him close.

_Too much love._

 

“Fuck. You’re so perfect. Like your body was made to have me inside you, all over you. You are made to be mine, aren’t you?” He asked while he was mounting him, his hips slowly rolling on him. They were taking time for once, and it was more intense, more blissful and Kihyun was sinking slowly but deeply.

 

And after that, when they were spent and content, when they were just lying in his bed, listening to Minhyuk trying to beat Jooheon in the living room on a videogame, he was surprised when Hoseok decided to stay a bit more and to speak.

 

“You don’t love me right?”

 

Right.

 

“Of course, no. How can I love you when the only thing I know about you is your body and the fact you’re a good lover.”

“Don’t forget the fact you know my dick well Hyun.” He blushed a little. Hoseok was so shameless. It was really a contrast with him … even if he couldn’t recognize himself these days.

 

“I can’t love to be honest. So I don’t want other people to love me. It would be too painful for them, don’t you think?”

“Yeah … but why?”

“Hanahaki disease. I was too young and I loved this girl too much. I had these flowers inside me and it was killing me. ‘ve done the surgery to remove it. I wanted to live. But the price to live is to never be able to feel love, to fall in love.”

 

Hanahaki. The flower disease. This unfair disease reminded you that your love was unrequited. And it was killing you as the same time you were hurting yourself with annoying feelings. Hoseok had had some flowers growing inside him, crushing slowly his lungs, climbing inside his windpipe and making him unable to breath correctly. If he hadn’t done the surgery he would have die suffocating. And Kihyun feared this disease, like every one around his age. Because they fell too fast, and loved too quickly. But he would have done the surgery too. He didn’t mind not being able to feel love.

 

_Liar._

 

“Was it painful?”

“The flowers? Yes. The surgery? Not so much. Now I just want to live and enjoy the things I like. Like your body for example.”

 

Small laughs. It seemed they were done speaking seriously.

 

“Can I take you again?”

“Yes … God yes.”

 

He was a fool.

He was a fool to hope for more when he couldn’t.

Foolish heart.

 

 

xoxo

 

 

It was a small aching first. Something blocked in his throat from days and then he had a bad coughing. A cold, a flu, everything seems to have sense at this moment. He called sick at the university, called sick at the small bar where he was singing some nights. He was after all a little feverish. He was after all a little dizzy.

 

But the fever went, but not the cough.

Two days after he was still trying to unblock his throat, still coughing a lot. Too much.

 

And there were some petals on his pillow a morning.

Two beautiful blue petals and some tears on his cheeks.

He was really a fool.

Not him.

 

_Blue rose means impossible love._

How ironic.

 

 

xoxo

 

 

Meeting Hoseok was a routine now. Letting this man fuck him again and again was like the saddest thing he could do to his heart. But Kihyun needed that, needed to have Hoseok close to him, to have him in any way because he couldn’t have his heart.

 

“Fuck Kihyun, I wanna keep you.”

_Yes, god yes._

 

And he was moaning instead of answering. He was gripping Hoseok’s shoulders, his head against his neck to hide his tears, to hide the fact he wasn’t crying because everything he was feeling was too much but because his heart was so painful, and his throat too. He couldn’t breath, but he hided it.

 

He said he would have done the surgery if one day he discovered he had the Hanahaki disease.

What a foolish lie.

 

This night after one week without seeing the older man, he fell again in his arms, he let him bend his body and play with, he let himself fall more and more in love with him. This night while Hoseok was fucking him again and again, with the light on and too many bruises to appear on his body, he decided to be selfish.

 

He would keep his feelings.

And the flowers inside.

 

 

xoxo

 

 

It was going too fast, too painful, but Kihyun said nothing. He pretexted to be ill more often. It was winter, it was okay. He pretexted many things that could explain the fact he was too pale, too weak, _dying_.

 

And he hated these blue flowers inside him now. The fact these flowers only existed inside him, like his love. He hated the fact that his love was impossible. Really.

To cure the disease, you had two choices. The first, the one he refused was to have a surgery to remove the flowers inside. The other one was to not have a one-sided love anymore, to be loved by the one you loved. And Hoseok, even if he wanted it, he wouldn’t be able to give him the love he wanted so much.

 

And inside him these roses were growing, the thorns digging painfully in his lungs, against his ribs. And soon, the bruises would be too difficult to explain. Soon he would have to find a way to stop seeing Hoseok, to stop letting him fuck his body just because he craved some affectionate gestures from the man.

But not today.

 

Hoseok was here, Hoseok was pinning him, his face against the pillow, while he was pounding inside him, keeping his arms behind his back and letting him beg for more. And the way his body was stretched, the way his spine was bending was too delicious to stop. But for his heart it was also too much. And he was suffocating Kihyun, but he said nothing, and just tried to enjoy a bit more Hoseok’s presence.

 

He was selfish.

And he was dying.

 

 

xoxo

 

 

At the beginning it was only one or two petals. Just two or three times in a day. But now … now, there were too many petals and ugly bruises on his body, around his ribs and close to his heart.

 

Minhyuk saw his body one day. He was too terrified to see him hurting and prohibited Hoseok to come and see him. Maybe it was better like this.

 

Hoseok called him many times, trying to understand what he have done, why Minhyuk was saying he was crazy, why Minhyuk was saying he had hurt him too bad, too much.

He never called back and cried himself to sleep night after night.

 

The bruises stayed here, and soon blood was on the petals and breathing became damn too difficult.

 

It was difficult to hide the petals too.

 

But he was stubborn.

And still dying.

 

 

xoxo

 

 

It was Hyungwon who found it first. Minhyuk was shouting at him, saying he changed, saying he was different. Because he didn’t speak anymore, because he didn’t eat a lot anymore, because it was too difficult to continue to live, so he spent his time in his bed, crying, hoping for Hoseok to love him.

But the older man didn’t call anymore. And it was already six months since the last time he had heard about him.

 

Hyungwon found him on the bathroom’s floor with too many petals around him and blood on his face.

He screamed.

And Minhyuk cried.

 

But Kihyun didn’t want that.

_He just wanted to be loved._

 

 

xoxo

 

 

At the hospital, they said it was too late for the surgery. The roots were climbing on his lungs, there were too many thorns inside him, around his heart. And also too many beautiful flowers inside his body, inside his windpipe, trying to bloom like his unrequited love.

 

He was dying.

And Minhyuk knew the problem.

Because Hoseok couldn’t love him.

 

“That’s too unfair Ki’. Why … why couldn’t you tell us sooner, we could have save you.”

“I wanna see him.”

 

But they didn’t call Hoseok this day, Minhyuk was as stubborn as him. For him Hoseok was the one responsible of his state. But for Kihyun he was the one helping him living one more day.

 

 

xoxo

 

 

Two weeks after, when bloody petals became usual, like a sad reality, when he had to use a machine to breath and to take many pills to shut the pain, Hoseok was here.

Hoseok was here, crying.

 

And Kihyun felt bad, and guilty.

He should have not asked for him.

But he missed him, _so much_.

 

He asked him, shaking, to kiss him again.

And Hoseok kissed him slowly, his hand caressing his cheek.

 

“You fool.”

“I love you.”

“Fool. I warned you Hyun. Why? I warned you, told you about the disease, so why?”

“I love you.”

 

And for his questions. The answers were clear. He loved him, he couldn’t tell his heart to stop, and he couldn’t stop his feelings, his love.

He was really a fool after all.

 

 

xoxo

 

 

The day after, he left the hospital and Hoseok took him to his apartment, saying he would take care of him till the end.

And the guilt was as painful as the flowers inside him.

But he was selfish.

And Hoseok said he had the right to be happy even a little.

 

“Make love to me?”

 

And Hoseok was ravishing him. He took his time, tracing his features, tracing his thin arms, his slim waist, his fingers against his ribs, touching the bruises the flowers let on his body, the scars the thorns let, kissing its, kissing him.

 

He made love to him like he asked.

He made love to him, shushing him when he coughed petals, and kissing him when he couldn’t breath. He loved his body, he loved him as much as he wanted to be loved just to see him smile again.

 

And he was happy.

But still dying.

Foolish heart.

 

 

xoxo

 

 

_“We were meant to be together love.”_

 

He was too weak. And the flowers were really suffocating him.

But it wasn’t so painful anymore.

Because Hoseok was here.

Because they were meant to be.

 

“See you in our next life, promise?” And Hoseok’s voice was urgent, and he could only smile. When he opened his mouth to answer, it was only a whimper and a bloody petal that went past his lips.

“Pro … mise.”

 

Inside him the roses bloomed beautifully.

And he didn’t see the tears on Hoseok’s face.

 

_He would wait for him in his next life._

 

 

xoxo

 

 

“What’s your favourite flower Hoseok?”

“Hum, blue roses?”

“Idiot … That doesn’t even exist.”

 

 

_But my love for you was real._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.
> 
> I read too much angst so here the result.
> 
> English is not my first langage, so sorry if there is any mistakes ;;  
> And it's not beta-ed.


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